Without Mozi
It’s been four months since Mozi passed away. My life has changed dramatically without her. When she left, so did my joy for dogs. Maybe it will come back. Maybe it wont. For now, I’m walking a different path…a slower path.
My photography has changed as well. I no longer photograph dogs because my heart can’t take it. It’s too hard. Grief is so weird.
Let me take a small step back, if you don’t know the story of Mozi’s passing. In July she was ill, and I knew it but the vet was certain she just had pain in her back. I asked for x-rays and was refused. I found a new vet who listened to me and x-rays were done almost immediately. Mozi had dysplasia in both hips, but it was the blood work that really shocked us. She was bleeding internally from her liver. There was nothing we could do. This took about 5 days, from firing the first vet until Mozi died. It was a grueling 5 days of up and down hope, uncertainty, fear and anticipatory grief.
Mozi told me when she was ready. She was surrounded by her family and a loving vet as she drew her last breath.
Then I broke.
About a month later, I stopped walking dogs. I had hurt my knee and had to stop walking dogs for a bit, but the thought of returning to the work that once filled me with so much joy and passion left me empty. I knew it was time.
I went into isolation for about a month. I could not function. I began writing letters to Mozi because my vet suggested it. It’s been a helpful exercise.
Anyway, you can imagine how difficult it’s been.
Back in September, I realized I hadn’t picked up my camera since we lost Mozi. I knew my camera could help me get out of the house, if nothing else. Get my mind in a different place. So, I created a 90 day photography challenge for myself. Utilizing all of the lenses in my camera bag, I had a 90 day plan. I was going to photograph anything other than dogs. I wanted to see what other things I’m drawn to.
It’s been 46 days since I began My 90 Lens Journey. You can follow along on this journey on Instagram.
Here are the highlights so far.
Because I am no longer a “for hire” photographer, and I still have to feed my cats, I have created a Post Card Club. You can read all about it over on Patreon.
Membership is only $5/month and each month you’ll receive an exclusive post card print that is numbered and signed.
The post card will be sent in an envelope to protect the integrity of the print.
The post cards will an exclusive print that will not be posted or printed elsewhere.
The images will be of PNW magic and wonder.
The first post card goes out December 1, 2025. You can even follow along for free. You’ll get to see the Behind The Scenes videos, but you will miss out on the post card.
I don’t know where this new path will take me, but I am traveling it with hope and wonder.
I will never get over losing my heart dog and I am sure I will carry the grief with me the rest of my life. At least, it feels that way right now.
In the meantime, let’s connect over some post cards. This will help me get outside with my camera and find new magic in the PNW.
Holly